Hello there 2016. I’ve been waiting for you. I believe in new days and all the hope that comes with them. God knows I need a new year.
Christmas went well. No appearances from bio womb, she kept the craziness to herself this year. That was….decent….of her, right? Just Epiphany coming up, but she’s not Eastern Orthodox so fingers crossed she doesn’t know it’s a holiday for families to gather round.
I’ve learned a lot this year. I’ve learned to be grateful for what I have, the grass isn’t greener and I had the inner wisdom to not be too curious about bio womb. Since she exacted her curiosity on me however my life has been more chaotic than I like.
I graduated. Yay! Now I get to start paying off the loans. Boo! My summer internship finished with an offer of a permanent position, which of course I took. I have my own apartment, my own car and all the debts that go with it haha. Boyfriend wants to move in, or me with him, but I’m putting that off. This is the first place I’ve had that is just mine. Before that it was dorm rooms and Mom and Dad’s house.
I have a cat, he’s great fun, if a little surly. Rescue cat and he’s still getting used to me and I to him.
I’ve become slightly involved in adoptee rights . I never fully realized how lucky I’ve been until bio womb steamrolled into my life and I started doing research on other adoptees and their bio families. I have my original birth certificate, that makes me extremely lucky. I love my parents and my parents and family have never made me feel less than or not a part of them.
My great grandmother died when I was eighteen at a very ripe old age, in her own home. At the will reading she had left me China painted with blue birds she knew I loved and probably wouldn’t break. The lawyer read “and to my great granddaughter Mariya I leave my china, may she enjoy it as long as I have.” Notice she didn’t write “my adopted great granddaughter Mariya.” That beautiful China is in a display cabinet in my new living room my aunt gave me when she was downsizing for her retirement to Florida.
I’ve been lucky enough to never struggle with depression or abnormal amounts of self-doubt. If there is such a thing as “primal wound” I never experienced it.
My bio womb forcing herself into my life has never filled some gaping hole in my life. That intrusion has made me feel angry though. I’ve resolved in this new year to let go of that anger and continue on pursuing my happiness without a second thought to those that disturb me. It may sound cold, but that coldness is the way I’m going to preserve my sanity.
I am in no way going to encourage reunions unless BOTH parties want it. Otherwise it’s cruel, disturbing and painful. But the rights to an original birth certificate should be universal. The rights to medical history should be universal.
Unfortunately to some, I also feel that reunion and forced relationship should not be universal. That search angels are in no way angelic and very much the root of my chaos. I do not support them. Yes I am painting them all with the same brush but the one I has unfortunate contact with was self righteous, selfish (yes selfish! She can put down this “successful” reunion in her “win” column) all covered with honeyed tones of trying to “help.”
I have learned strength about myself in this past year. That’s something good I think.
But ny adoption saga is done now, so this will probably be the last blog post. It was a great place to vent but I was pretty much venting to myself haha! I love interaction and the lack of comments deprived me of that, waaaa.
Self pity moment for not being an influential and vivacious blogger over with. I hope my three readers have a great New Year and achieve their dreams!
Das vidanya and Slan